Wrestling with Trauma
I live on the spectrum of PTSD with a type of dissociative disorder, OSDID-1. My trauma is layered, deep, and ever-present. Some days, my mind is pulled into astronomical pain, memories my body remembers even when I cannot. Parts of me dissociate. Parts of me struggle to breathe.
And yet, this part of me — a grounded self — holds hope. This part believes in a kinder, safer world. This part created the Eyes Open OneBreathIn Practice, a tool to pause, cultivate hope, and to use my mind in microbursts to co-create a better world while life is still moving around me.
The Inner Pause in Action
This practice is not a sit-down, close-your-eyes meditation. It’s an inner pause while fully active in life. At 10:59 a.m. and 9:59 p.m. EST, my reminder goes off. I pause inside. I visualize first — the world I want to see, the safety, the laughter, the flourishing communities. Then I inhale that vision into my heart, embedding it deeply.
I do this while life-ing, no matter what I am doing — grocery shopping, cooking, on the phone with someone. When my alarm goes off, I practice this inner pause to focus 60 seconds on creating a better world around me, eyes open, never stopping what I was doing before the alarm went off.
My mind becomes an orchestra director, orchestrating matter like music. My heart is a garden, holding the vision I plant. And sometimes, that vision manifests instantly. Other times, it’s a slow burn — deeper trauma takes longer to shift. But every breath, every inner pause, every visualization matters to the grid.
Hope as a Living Force
Even though I created this practice, I know others will master it before I do. People with steadier hearts, sharper inner compasses, or stronger energy may reach profound clarity faster. And that’s okay. My struggles don’t disqualify me from contributing to the world. My hope, my grounding, my vision — they ripple outward.
I am writing this for anyone living with dissociative disorder-level PTSD, trauma, or layered struggle. I want you to feel understood, to know that you can hold a space for a better world while in the middle of struggle, without stopping life, without pausing for permission, without needing perfection.
Co-Creation While Fully Alive
The Eyes Open OneBreathIn Practice is alive while life is alive. I visualize first, then breathe in. I imagine my inner self orchestrating peace, planting seeds of safety, joy, and compassion in my heart. And that energy spreads outward, quietly, invisibly, into my world.
Even while shopping, walking, or writing, I am co-creating a better reality. My inner orchestra and my heart-gardener work in tandem — mind directing, heart holding — and in that collaboration, a ripple of hope and calm will extend into everything I touch.
Grounding the System
Parts of my system are deeply rooted in pain, trying to escape. My part, the grounded self, cultivates calm. This reminder, this pause, is how I ground myself and my system, keeping us aligned with hope and clarity.
This practice does not need your perfection; we need your heart. It’s your presence, attention, your intent that will empower our collective visualizations for a more beautiful world. We never physically halt our day-to-day to activate this global co-creation.
Manifestation can happen instantly or unfold slowly — both are valid. The key is showing up, even in the midst of struggle, and allowing hope to ripple outward from inside. Because together...Can you imagine?
Living Honestly with Trauma and Vision
I struggle. I dissociate. I feel trauma daily. And yet, I pause, visualize, and breathe hope into my heart twice a day for a total of about 90 seconds. OneBreathIn is sustained by the part of me that believes in the world’s potential for kindness and compassion.
This is my diary, my reflection, and my invitation: pause within, visualize first, breathe it in, and allow the ripples of hope to extend outward, even while life keeps moving. You are seen. You are grounded. You are co-creating. And co-creating means we are not alone.
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